


Stay in the Light

by FrostIron_seidr (RavenCall70)



Series: 21st Century Lokisenna [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 80's Music, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Interlude, M/M, Short One Shot, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenCall70/pseuds/FrostIron_seidr
Summary: After revealing the truth about the invasion and how he fell into Chitauri hands, Loki returns to face Tony's judgement. He's not expecting what he receives.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: 21st Century Lokisenna [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030209
Comments: 6
Kudos: 138





	Stay in the Light

As he stepped into the living room, the first thing he saw was the God of Mischief. He was perched on a chair, his entire body tense. Tony could see the hard clench of the god's jaw, even in the dim light cast from the window, which Loki was staring at, though Tony doubted the god realized his feelings were on quite such a display.

It wasn't the first time Loki had shown up like this, but he'd never displayed this version of himself appearing so... hurt? Angry? Lost? Tony couldn't quite put a name to what emotion Loki was exhibiting, though it was obvious it wasn't a good one.

"Loki?"

"Stark." The god replied, keeping his eyes on the window. 

"Everything all right?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Tony frowned. The answer wasn't unexpected but the lack of emotion in the god's voice raised the hairs on his neck. "I dunno. You just seem... different."

Loki laughed, and the cool detachment in his voice unnerved Tony more than the god's tense posture. "Yes. I am that."

"You say that like it's a bad thing Lokes. _I'm_ different. There's nothing wrong with being different."

"You're a hero Stark that's what makes you different. I, on the other hand... am not."

"You're unique Loki." Tony insisted. He didn't like this closed off Loki. It was making his chest ache in ways it hadn't for anyone aside from Pepper, but it was different too. This... this bitterness and resignation Loki was displaying made him want to take the god in his arms and soothe his hurts. Take away his pain and make him smile. 

"Agreed."

Tony scowled and moved to put himself in the god's line of sight so he could see his eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"No? After everything I told you, you still think I'm not different? I am a monster Stark. I thought we agreed on that."

"No you're not Loki!" Tony retorted, his pulse increasing at the cold smirk on the god's lips. He knew his discomfort was obvious. Loki had told him everything a week ago. 

Same as now, Loki had told him his story. No inflection in his voice, no emotion. He'd talked as if the horrible things he'd experienced and the multitude of betrayals by those he'd trusted were nothing more than what he deserved. The cold retelling of the abuses he'd suffered had been related as if they had happened to someone else. Someone of no consequence who couldn't feel anything but anger and rage. Like it didn't matter. Like _Loki_ didn't matter. 

And when Tony had struggled to find his voice, overwhelmed with compassion and understanding for the god, Loki had disappeared. The look on his face had told him it was what Loki had expected, though the faint look of pain in those emerald green eyes had him calling out to the god for an a hour after. But Loki hadn't returned, hadn't answered his call. Until now.

Loki stared at him. Unmoved by his assertions while Tony struggled to find his voice. "We didn't agree on anything Loki. You vanished before I could say anything."

"Pardon me if I wished to spare myself hearing how you agreed that everything that happened to me was deserved. I only told you so that you would know who it is you allow into your Tower, not so we could have some pleasant heart to heart after."

"Loki stop!" Tony barked, shocking them both when he took Loki's hands in his and sank to his knees.

"What do you think you're doing Stark?" Loki demanded, his voice dangerous. 

But Tony could feel the tremble in the god's hands and the faint trace of fear and hope lingering in his eyes and didn't let go.

"Don't put words in my mouth Loki and don't assume you know what I'm thinking. You didn't let me talk at all last time you were here. You'd asked me not to interrupt and I didn't, but you never said you were going to disappear after. I didn't appreciate that. I called you to come back for an hour after you left, but you never did."

"Let go of me." Loki hissed, his hands clenching under Tony's own.

"Only if you promise not to disappear until after you let me talk."

"Why? Why do you want to talk? Do you want to laugh like Thor's friends? Lecture me on proper behaviour and how everything that happened was my fault? And that nothing I experienced wasn't deserved? I assure you I'm well acquainted with the thoughts of others on my person. I do not need yours as well."

"Could you maybe not put words in my mouth? Because assuming you know what I'm going to say is both insulting and cruel."

"Fine then." Loki barked, getting to his feet and stalking to the window. "Speak if you must."

"I don't know what it was like for you growing up under the conditions you described. I can't see it being pleasant in any way. What I can see is how you would have been forced to suppress parts of yourself just to be accepted. So others couldn't hurt you for being different, for not being them. I can understand that. And then, after all that to realize none of it made any difference, and how disillusioned and alone you must have felt. I understand because it's how I felt when I learned my godfather paid to have me killed."

Loki stared at him, pain and disbelief in his eyes, though his jaw was still clenched hard. It was as if he were fighting an urge to deny Tony knew anything. But he said nothing, only waited with steel in his eyes. 

"What your parents did to you is inexcusable Loki. It wasn't a kindness and it certainly wasn't to your benefit they kept the secret of who you are from you. It was cruel and selfish and they had no right to raise you to hate who you are."

"What about what I did? What about Thor? Certainly you can't be condoning the fact I tried to kill him."

Tony scoffed, moving to join him at the window and gripped Loki's hands tighter as he gently massaged them. "I think if you really wanted him dead, he would be. I won't deny that some of that is misdirected anger for what your parents did, but not all of it. None of them appreciated you for who you are. None of them respected you or even saw who you were as a person without also comparing that to how they waned you to be. No one can live their life for the benefit of others Loki. No matter how many times they told you otherwise, it's not true and not possible."

"How can you say that? Thor lives up to their expectations all the time Stark. Do not try to placate me with falsities."

"I'm not! The only reason it appears that way is because their expectations for him are so much lower than what they are for you. I don't know their minds, but it isn't a stretch to believe that the reason it's so unfairly balanced is because you aren't Aesir."

Loki blinked at him and Tony pretended he didn't see the tears the god was trying to not let fall. "I don't understand why you're doing this. I'm a monster. Born and bred. Raised on stories of terrifying, callous beasts who eat children and are savage in their very nature."

"Oh come on Lokes! You're smarter than the crap they fed you as a child. You know that's not true. You're funny, talented, highly educated, the most skilled sorcerer I've ever known and until you learned the truth about your birth, you would have never called yourself a monster. You are _not_ one. The colour of your skin and the place of your birth has no bearing on your worth as a person Loki. None of that mattters unless you let it."

"I cannot just... forget what I am Stark."

"I'm not saying you have to. I'm saying that if it was still a secret, would you still feel this way about yourself?"

"I am still different. I am still not Aesir despite growing up in Asgard, I never fit in there. I would still feel seperate without knowing my true heritage."

"But you wouldn't think yourself a monster. Would you?"

"I... I suppose not. No."

"Then don't let the warped expectations of others define who you are. You're beautiful, attractive, intelligent, talented and the most gifted sorcerer in the galaxy. And I like who you are Lokes. Maybe I didn't make that plain enough to you. Maybe I should have told you this month's ago. But I'm telling you now Loki. You're Loki. The man I fell in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. If... if you'll have me. If I haven't screwed up our friendship beyond repair by not saying something sooner."

"I..." Loki's voice wobbled. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a deep breath and tried again, gripping Tony's hands with desperation. "I had thought that having heard the truth of my past you would... You would not want me around anymore. I... I have never had anyone on my side before. Not like this. Not like you Anthony. I... It shames me to admit I do not know how to handle this. I have been betrayed more times than I can count. I sometimes think it would be better if I remained separate and apart from others as it is the only way to ensure I cannot be hurt again."

"Please don't leave Loki." Tony pleaded, stroking his hand down Loki's cheek. "I know there's not much I could say to convince you of how I feel or how I would never willingly hurt you, but... maybe I could show you?"

"Tell me again how you feel Anthony." Loki whispered, his vulnerability plain as he met Tony's gaze.

"I love you Lokes. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. I didn't realize how much until you disappeared on me. But I do and I don't want to be without you ever again. Please tell me you'll stay. Even if you don't feel the same, even if you never say it back. I just... I want to be here for you. In any way you want me to be."

"Are you sure you're not a silver tongue?" Loki teased, though he couldn't mask the strain in his voice. "You are my first true friend Anthony Stark. I had hoped to have your friendship forever, but I never dreamed you would ever want me that way. Of course I would not part from you if you want me to stay. But I do not share. If I stay, you are mine and mine alone. I cannot live with less than that."

"That goes both ways Lokes. If I'm yours, then you're mine. I don't share either you know."

"I... never dreamed you would say such things to me."

"Believe it love." Tony whispered, moving closer, Loki's face cupped in his hands. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Please Anthony."

  
_***fin** _

_Music video link:_

_**[Stay in the Light](https://youtu.be/j6xRPzQaF4U) ** _


End file.
